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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a. x1 t9 j4 s6 l. X3 t1 n. z

6 R, t7 J* z6 y  bike and asked for forgiveness.+ H/ n$ Z- N8 f  o

0 ]7 w( ]; h: v  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一
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  辆然后求上帝宽恕。  E4 U3 J- |" J2 c) r. Q

/ V) a; c: ~: r) ^# d( ^  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a! s8 f+ k# Z. A
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  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.2 C2 A% `  ^2 E5 t/ t- r! i

" t* n  o- A  [: P$ P% |  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
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  样死法啊!
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1 Z& n' J+ K2 A  y8 x: s! Z  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you) n3 h# s& s  X1 g' {

) X* b' Z9 S- r! g8 Q  with experience.
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1 w2 B% s7 R  N3 y  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
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  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
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  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。' u2 J1 x0 M$ w# f) j

- M  |4 G. E- b/ k8 `, f3 U3 H  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。
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7 U& a- |# {& @4 z  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。
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  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!
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! l) L9 v$ f1 G0 P8 x  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。. y) L6 {' H( e, L1 |. [  G
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  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
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2 s5 l8 `, p$ w. v' D  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.
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+ p4 b. @# c* b, O  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd
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6 h% {/ I5 D( g2 E% k6 O( A5 r  better have a good hand.
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  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。; ], A# }; d' J& ~+ a9 S. Y& Z* Q

" I$ \3 N" h# V0 v( z/ ^8 ]  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
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  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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% V( E* t% u: L1 O2 R7 w  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去6 o+ o5 \  n, T6 k- @6 m" V4 u- V
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  还是很有喜感。
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  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
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( Z/ O9 s, g  w0 e: r5 g  ged regularly, and for the same reason.
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  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏) v, H( e8 w' @5 v  n( L
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  了!!
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  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
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  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。" j4 z) M. \5 E' Y) ^: O. P

5 d7 B5 O2 ^/ K. {/ J4 O  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship) S, \; `1 w7 c1 d- L( ^
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  .
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0 r6 R% x* M0 H9 g( a, N  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!5 F  l7 I9 R7 L# P$ @. w
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  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
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  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
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  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
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  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
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3 s- s* h- X( v/ c7 h: W  n, make him a sandwich.% H/ Z7 z2 j, ^0 Q# ?

9 z: ]3 K6 o/ r! ~1 K/ L  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!
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: B/ J+ D, d% [# V7 l$ X2 I1 }7 W  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt7 x% x# h9 j' k: h

" g9 L+ X0 A+ r- U  i  il you hear them speak.# }. G! ~2 J7 B# Y1 z
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  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...% s& `% ^- I" g$ Q

8 x- F9 y  Z& `! ?* G( Y0 y8 W  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.$ T: }, O/ L* O' B. d. P+ ]8 A
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  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。( @& z5 e8 Z' f' |" i- e7 f
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  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.2 R, U2 o! u. R8 P4 }8 c$ y
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  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。4 V0 X6 |* [7 B8 _: W/ B
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  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
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  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""
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  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.' }/ @0 k( r" o. N$ g) s
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  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...4 r/ U- D- q! P* B

* }9 N8 e. `: {) b  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
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- [, e5 t; }, l: R* }2 `  tell you why it isn't.
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5 {5 M) A, D$ i: J1 h( {8 Z  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。3 ~& V5 b$ E$ M3 d* H
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  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
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, Q7 J2 Q' M7 X; V9 e4 }4 T  box to start a campfire?
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  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!* F% W* k7 z+ `8 ?* D
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  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科5 I. U. @% A4 D8 N& k- K7 r6 H+ L

( Y' f3 D! R& A/ U  `% m  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy& w# K5 R% V4 {- |
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  s it?
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4 L0 C1 D  A! I. D0 O6 X  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?6 W: _( `6 W( i( y. h% A# C
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  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr0 \# K( O6 Y' X- F! k( A" p% s
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  uit salad.
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  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
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; g6 m8 M5 j3 c6 g7 l  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个# D: z5 K0 C9 y. P% T% C7 `8 n9 t5 I; e+ S

1 S# h6 z# S. S5 E5 R  篮子。
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0 k. L  a; E4 y  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"
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  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
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  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!& E' i" x* k8 N- V
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  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
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  same night.5 m' L& p8 T, q& f+ N# R# G
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  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。
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  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
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  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。
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2 y+ p/ y. `% i; G% M  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
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3 \+ Z: d+ W& R  . On my desk, I have a work station..
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  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
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  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.( u4 B7 `& c5 W6 |! e

) e+ S) ~5 q7 U/ v  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。
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4 t6 i" P( Z' [4 I2 V8 c  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv. l* X; J6 Y4 y1 q9 g0 _

% D. o& }# b# T; u8 C! i  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
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2 q% L7 K; f" y6 s, M3 G, \: N, o" R  m fish?
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  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃& Y% O8 L$ E' ^6 w$ N
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  了。, A+ e5 c- Q- I6 ?; w3 a

8 V' u: `  Q; p$ X% Z  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
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  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!
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  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!
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  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan  L2 E6 X- ~4 t1 q

1 |" ~2 F; J! y2 D  ts?"
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0 F5 R7 ?1 ]6 D9 N  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”
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7 @  @! _) N2 L, Z  K  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
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  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-2 _# B" _6 d" o' n% _4 t# v& }
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  up.
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+ a! r! k. A8 ]' F' L  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
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) y% t  m. T; k; A( r1 H- w7 M  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu6 y+ J9 d1 Y& ?7 O
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  t check when you say the paint is wet?. Z4 z1 M7 |  g% e
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  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?9 E/ z. s( {5 S6 P

' c" o1 J% o& c0 F6 M  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al  |: Z: ~1 i: ?$ p" y
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  l doubt.
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: J4 \  }( o$ s) V8 D+ S  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。0 {, e. H) {. e' N7 @' r
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  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。
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  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
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  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。
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, C' K- d2 I) n1 U9 c  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'* L, U3 r, N3 s/ h. q% @5 ^, B

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: Q# S8 Z2 _" e% h/ p  c: z3 ^  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方/ |' V( h2 L% @$ }  R0 Q
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  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.' w) z' J6 b) e& x2 d+ u+ g6 j3 m; s

4 y% c& U; k/ Z: Z6 m: `4 Z  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。
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: C; z; |2 s9 T/ b" H' q. t( M  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。
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0 Z$ b- B: r& K  Q! k  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
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  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!
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  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫! @6 K6 K, G8 ^3 L1 m

9 y, ?2 Y' t6 W$ M. u- ^6 @3 `  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?
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  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”3 A. m! k1 G$ _# N9 h4 S2 U
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  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。
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  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.* E# f' L, k# J: c+ Z' w/ A

' c" u/ E. y1 q1 {! E+ U  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装
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& q1 N; h' v& L* [6 R* d/ I  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
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7 `" k2 F! m; F  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"7 G7 y/ E5 V; [9 Q1 W
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  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
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  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.! w& v6 e% K' _4 D9 k* {7 |9 w

+ |3 T" u2 ~  t5 }& k* D  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等: _% B) L9 B+ b
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  。
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2 G: n; z' B' E1 [4 O$ c  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
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  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
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  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi6 n: ]2 m0 O7 I( m0 T, y
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  rls live.- z5 X" t) p7 c) G3 z
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  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!( e/ u6 Q: @+ s

  i, D2 x. j6 v  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear6 r5 N% D9 U1 f5 C
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  h" M; w9 Z# F( t* h, h* E' M  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。7 b/ f* O+ P3 U
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  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。
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  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
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) I& H' _& G* |4 b6 Z  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.6 Y& {1 O: z. a: z" K9 X: K5 x8 c
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  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a& g' }9 L5 B: Y0 ]
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  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
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+ _- X% B* x5 N1 O& P  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
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( F) L, `! }; B  f# B  叫声是一样滴。! m7 ]4 W/ Q7 ]7 ]8 o
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  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
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' {$ j% G9 H4 e/ U$ y  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。" Z4 P# R5 g6 h0 R  |

( p7 e- L, B+ n0 f  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
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! x5 ]4 d& b# }4 `5 P  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
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  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!, a% u( J  }1 _  ~6 g
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  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
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  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
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  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什$ M" S# W% W7 J7 V$ a, }0 h
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  么忙?!9 R9 `" f9 C- R7 O* p  i' A$ a
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  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
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  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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