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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a
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  bike and asked for forgiveness.
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; x: W/ M9 O4 \! t/ T5 B. |& `  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一$ ]& F# o- S: \. q, d. q1 y

9 L; B+ K3 l7 ]$ o4 K! E0 V  辆然后求上帝宽恕。
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+ H$ x# F4 D- [- L  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a' Z4 H+ n3 S5 R0 J. X' k

4 Y0 w5 p: |$ O  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.. d5 A; m' t; Q- D9 n; l

) @8 @- f5 Q& ~! `8 [; O# ?  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一& B* ?9 M9 ]* V8 s
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  样死法啊!
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% L; B# v1 g: W' f2 P  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
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  with experience.* h4 k6 z. M" V5 u2 U" F

) k6 }2 e- S, C( ]& r  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
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1 H9 `" S/ X% B6 M1 \  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.1 G5 f% g6 |/ x; F/ K- Q

3 {" o* B! Z5 ~/ M5 L' `$ j  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。; T0 Z. L7 y5 l- d
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  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。
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  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。, G. U4 a' P) q) V! @

! G( r$ P  b, U$ N: y( m  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!# Y: z5 F3 t# M4 Q: ]3 M
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  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。( u; Y* E+ y% o+ ~. a/ A: B

0 O8 B! S) l' J" }0 D7 Y  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
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  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.
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  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd
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  better have a good hand.+ Z! B  e7 ^- ~6 g0 ?

# M# ^7 E' y" X3 `8 Y  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。
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5 {" L2 H. k$ y  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca4 R0 V& o. g7 x9 `3 T# \

0 ^8 Y) V& }0 A  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.3 y: q: c! c2 W

9 P' ^% b: k7 R. R' ]  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
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  还是很有喜感。
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/ y9 V# C& e* c- V  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan" S; a; T% h* n' e% f! G% A# _
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  ged regularly, and for the same reason.
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  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏
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  了!!8 A" V$ Z( e, j1 q1 O7 G
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  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.+ Y) S, R7 n- A7 q  P' @
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  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。
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/ _7 N- Z% G' K+ n; m  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship0 B7 t* T. W8 P. b! p

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  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!5 l9 @) z7 c; L  Z! X
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  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
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  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
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  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。/ t* X" L! g. f8 R& w4 W! _
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  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
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  n, make him a sandwich.: X/ v- h, D: I" F* H$ Z* ^

/ L2 p. i* W$ w* m; d2 ?  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!4 e6 ?7 ^. v1 l' J7 g
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  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt! I* y, P: O0 ?4 ?

0 `# p* ^9 m+ Z6 D  il you hear them speak.; s7 z% \9 e( ]6 q, C6 J8 }, O

# N5 w( m; ^  ?4 Q6 g+ z  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...5 K. T: g: G" X6 v4 C1 l

, {% g9 V3 e. D9 k5 g  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch./ [3 P2 L7 r8 R5 {
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  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
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  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.( L  a+ a4 z9 o& h# A: E
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  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。
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  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
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  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""& Z# u' A# _" A) `0 M* c( C

4 U" w; f  [6 Y5 K  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
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  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
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  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to, R9 P, ^2 L; W, K

! V5 E* B  d1 R- C) C- g  tell you why it isn't.) R3 h, ^9 B7 g; j, X, j

$ p9 x6 E5 K1 Z9 N  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。
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  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
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5 }# b; V. J  ]% A, b  box to start a campfire?! q" A/ w, N% k. b+ P; R

5 m4 t  S  o& w& K  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!+ S5 G' D- j2 ]2 f2 i2 q6 s
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  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科5 p2 m3 ^  {. C$ u1 ~0 k( p0 m

& s5 R" L/ O& k" t  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy4 s: @6 I: L2 ]
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  s it?
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  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?! a6 ~9 O( Z9 l# E2 ^9 c7 O: n
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  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr, [; a, V# X# r) k9 v
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  uit salad.
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3 v8 X4 \0 Y3 H- ^, P3 e$ ]1 A8 v  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
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$ A8 k! E6 t( p+ }9 {  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个) H9 }- f# M6 B
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  篮子。
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  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"; d" `) k& z& ]) [) M

, i. L$ [7 k; w  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.( p; ?; T( x: j! [5 z+ I
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  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!4 P: n$ d% G; {3 s! }. l

! x. _2 C" A+ p1 e- g  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the- N& w9 G' D8 P8 {1 x; q
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  same night.
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, p: }! [5 Z4 p2 l  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。' i. Z9 ?. x* M7 \
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  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian) s: x- W( F% x8 H3 d# y
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  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。
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5 z) ^5 }6 Z: t7 v& @: p0 r! A  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops! C0 y0 z" Y7 U* x7 Z+ `, P

/ u. }2 W) H: n  . On my desk, I have a work station..+ k! A0 _5 d7 X# h' B
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  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…! B& |- K9 F" f9 V' [- C
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  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.( H! Z, D" i: \

2 L9 l1 t* U" o# |& O0 |) S* ~+ L  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。
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, w6 F2 e# \; T. o* R. @# m  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
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0 h3 g& j2 w+ E7 c* N  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
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' A3 o! I' W- A" L0 G9 n, k$ U1 n  m fish?9 P4 J( J, |+ Y2 D

( r/ l& D) m% G* K, h. A3 X1 b  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
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  了。
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) D9 k) r9 _7 O0 B% B1 f. ^/ C- u$ t4 ~  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
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  g.2 [0 ?4 N* a6 h% N

" E+ V& Z) S; d2 e  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!7 {3 ?9 a* X+ D% h- R3 o- P3 g( ~
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  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!, p& v8 @/ v0 V8 L7 D

7 B  ~5 {- o# |, F  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan" l5 [+ X: h, u3 w0 v! r
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  ts?"
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1 n$ [$ i9 b& D& o7 U: j  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”
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4 \# X, L  R" Q9 g  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk# E' Q/ G0 u7 A1 ~# }/ j

- c. {3 [" T! j, X$ y  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
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  up.
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  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。8 C# j1 c: K8 M# r# k/ |

* i: v3 ~* M9 a9 W  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu7 c! |$ V" a7 D
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  t check when you say the paint is wet?
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) m" `2 r; ~8 l' C: t/ j8 S4 E  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?
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  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al& y# i* m. n9 Q: h
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  l doubt.
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4 P& Z' B1 e$ u$ o' X  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
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  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。0 Y9 `% F, u/ K; @
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  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
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. i' z+ j8 P  l+ \' w& F( s  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。
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+ ?) G: a, z; E; P0 {" L6 n  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'
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( H) g1 L, r2 ?; a- [, q7 U  t need it.
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! Q; \" _% @" B  [" c0 y* R) ~  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方
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+ a$ Q. w; Z$ x7 @8 K$ S  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
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/ r8 T6 q$ R* ^. n% S  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。
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  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。
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& X1 |" j) J- C* H- ^; e  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!3 m, U0 e6 n- v4 d9 ?) \# [) m

4 H7 |5 {8 W" c, W4 Y6 D+ [' G  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!
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" o0 c5 U9 c* v& L% e  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫
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* \0 j+ ]5 E9 G) H  t  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory." z5 q# I# ]3 w

. j0 d; m3 |( D9 r) t  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?1 S4 K6 x5 `" I1 j3 n

! E# s1 E# c3 t6 P6 U5 t5 `  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”1 u* k8 ^+ Z- d; J4 W$ ^* g4 D, [

4 W; x: h8 {% M, X. \  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。
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5 K8 F6 q- v2 [8 P) j/ g: s  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.5 }% }; K' A) P3 Y+ X$ V

$ o+ B' w4 }6 U2 V+ n' R( \  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装
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- S1 G* w) w. _" A  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
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  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"" E0 ?% c0 Z2 N) C8 y4 ^

9 ?. Z3 o0 D6 E7 m/ p% g. X  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with4 ^$ e9 O1 v6 p8 }9 K

, L0 [; K1 k+ ^2 [7 f  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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( h! u8 j3 V6 T( t: d6 g! T, g! V  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
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& p4 }2 V+ p/ d* x% [  。
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+ H) h2 ~( q" }. T  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.9 A0 k2 h: p/ T9 f5 q
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  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
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  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi- {7 G% U# V" b0 g5 }1 O

5 f) c9 W! O! I  rls live.
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; X( s, ?; B* n- s0 N. j. H4 q  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!8 r4 [$ R4 V4 m

+ C1 S" F/ K7 Z1 [7 T6 e4 E  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear
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3 I8 H3 A. \8 e, X! A  ch.
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  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。) N" n; a) ]5 E+ y  g

3 L( D) F$ C3 X; h% _7 T  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。
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1 C2 {$ W1 g0 a. X  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.0 t" @9 U; @. u' ~( l6 d8 r
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  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.4 o4 B$ ^, T' g1 _; _3 _
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  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a' R9 p2 W' Q: @7 ~
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  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
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  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
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  叫声是一样滴。0 k' [* t4 j/ E) t  T- q1 `
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  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.: y/ Q/ V9 w7 L% F  M( q' q. O1 r

+ N3 v  r/ T' {0 U! U  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。, ^4 r( s  ?& g% F

5 S6 z- n7 n: G) p! h7 l0 a  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
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  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.' \; m4 k9 S! V8 a$ Q9 w
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  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!, m8 C7 s7 _2 e

- u" V* M5 h9 `0 z' D: @$ |  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc% j8 N2 _, I4 o, v

& S) f) \% M, h' P/ F7 @  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
% \: i5 I8 w4 O. e! R, i+ e( p  d+ J
( t  _# c* {5 C; e: d  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什
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  么忙?!9 U; u5 I& D+ z
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  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many./ ~, {1 O; x9 t) o, `, ?+ }
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  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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