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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a
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, ?+ A1 F! s  a  bike and asked for forgiveness.! Q  P5 y, A, p3 i2 s
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  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一5 d+ Q! E( i6 @+ x1 v' @
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  辆然后求上帝宽恕。. j( }' h7 w- Y, z# t' |; t
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  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a2 e- |  ~! A  t: E

+ Y9 o+ F7 _- Z5 r* j  N6 A* G  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
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2 x* D0 ], z3 \5 Q  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一6 D' T! u( {! }  @4 H

9 R1 e/ u$ l* R, {) U2 S' t  样死法啊!* V% [5 l7 D2 e3 T0 u
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  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
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  with experience.8 m; x. c+ `2 B9 i, e6 ~; W  r

. g: U5 Q" _) Y1 S7 y  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
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' w( m6 }; V: x% s; D  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.* G9 ]7 @8 u/ V0 E

5 f* V; }: k( i6 X) W( z  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。5 M" q! F; E, M) \2 u" h6 H% `
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  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。
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) P: z7 o% s4 E' j. l  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。
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! U$ {: ~& E/ i4 P  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.1 ]/ O$ o* d8 d2 Y+ P
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  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!
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, g5 ?2 i) A$ S4 s  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。: F' H9 W/ I1 t9 ~8 z& a3 F- E
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  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.7 K5 l9 E' V; d. k( S: i

# W- |% T3 |" p* U  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.
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  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd4 D8 x6 K; o, B$ C

8 `& M" ?# g  b$ |; V$ Q& `7 _% r  better have a good hand.: C# o5 D  [- R- h

5 h- }0 [( O# H* s. v: T  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。6 y7 q/ ]! p6 V& q, ~2 P

, ?9 ], T! D( `* p; I  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
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  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去$ v3 l- f# B5 J5 l
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  还是很有喜感。
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  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
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  ged regularly, and for the same reason.
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  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏! Q/ W$ V8 t" n

2 f3 m# H. B' ]  了!!
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/ ~6 {5 N0 Y+ d+ q5 F; M  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
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) ^; I+ K, m, t) j7 T; \  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。$ `" |) d7 F3 S2 F
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  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship- Y% T8 F1 u3 ~8 v* q- Q0 x5 Z
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  .
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4 \% E5 N; h/ i) I  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!+ b9 N% }/ }# e" k7 u

9 }, o; v8 Z* S; a. ]  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
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  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
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  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。: d0 B- N4 s2 f- p$ G2 r
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  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
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$ N9 m8 o! M$ Q8 T, J, W* I  n, make him a sandwich.
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  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!; ~. V3 B0 p8 {, Q( O
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  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt
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+ |- _! ^+ Y: k  M9 X  il you hear them speak.
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  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...: N# _3 ^+ Z# s7 j% m( h

" U2 w" Y# E7 G8 D" g* x  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.& [2 p- _1 y7 Q5 g; v7 J# M
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  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。/ J/ E" \! \5 ^1 ^# G0 g) [

- |1 C# L7 V, g$ P9 B4 v' f' L  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
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  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。
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% R) d/ m+ P+ D% a  l4 U/ S- H  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
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  s.
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  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""
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  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.2 i/ s. v9 Y+ a; }! \8 Y3 Y* D& j: i
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  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...; A$ \$ t+ m: O8 p; I6 M. D
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  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
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, C1 d0 W; b1 I/ J+ w( ]( w/ }  tell you why it isn't.
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  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。
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% }( ^* }% |; Z& F  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole* W' Z) ?, m8 v: u& s

  M) S( H% e2 g+ J  box to start a campfire?
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! [# X. H2 L, }  N" g  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!; E7 \8 n. z% x  }# b

+ q5 F4 B$ p& U; W( h- y  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科
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5 q5 B: \* d; a9 c) K* u9 m! Q  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
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$ s! m5 V+ V4 n" _( w* z  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?* p: W0 p1 N0 z3 F# l4 {% i! t
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  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
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  O+ B7 p+ r; U- W  uit salad.
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  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
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  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
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& l, x( u0 w- P4 Z/ T  篮子。- d& i# D) R) N
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  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"/ q  b& `/ `4 a, F
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  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.! f( S# f) h  ?! s" O) h

/ R. i; d) f+ b3 w* y9 c  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!: I' U% m! f( ~
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  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
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  same night.% q- w: z% ~: R& B

4 q2 A. M  w% ^% p  U# E  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。7 |1 k# h# G6 I; h
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  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
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  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。2 \! i2 t7 p5 O/ }7 V

* K+ U* s9 c* z( v6 U: c  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops: p* Q; S1 ~0 E0 p8 x: K' P

) k; F' w; _8 D3 J  . On my desk, I have a work station..* c2 o. t) H; E/ P
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  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
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# \4 F0 Q% W  @5 b  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.2 \- J' R' o0 N8 a& U8 e' I# w7 |
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  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。
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  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv/ V) l) P: f! _/ t1 [' E" T

# j+ [  |" X% {. G9 j0 u6 f) ^  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the7 B) }. e* R( J! E7 ?9 ~! ^6 i
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  m fish?
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  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃) E0 Y* W2 {, Z) s  [6 W# i
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  了。
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  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin# }3 W3 k+ Y0 D) e5 @, H

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  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!5 O. g+ n/ A, @' m

% C' C# `# l; b" Z  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!" a7 }% K- c$ p+ w# m

  q3 s& ]2 |( {. {! l! @! E! ]9 j  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan. J) i4 K. M$ Q- @* T
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  ts?") Y& S0 ~. W9 d: V

4 e$ t3 m, m: M+ l6 S  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”
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# A1 s6 w  o3 v; H  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk# U" r- Y( q/ W& x+ R
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  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-% X" @% b' [- n

# a& ?$ V4 v2 ?' _; n/ M2 G3 j- u+ s  up.
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! S0 t) Z/ U, ~; ?' W  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
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+ k0 t: h; G! Z8 k$ |# l9 b) c  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu
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  t check when you say the paint is wet?
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4 m' s( C' a- j, r  H1 I1 u  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?
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  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al# ]; G* g, d& L) ]  H

/ n; m5 E' Q9 a' g2 f( x  l doubt.
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. A, L9 I& i* m* ?; Q  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
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6 x' ?# G! w- @  b9 R, U+ M3 n  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。- n& |. ^  H) m. p8 d$ k! \/ d
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  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
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0 p: w, h* E  b/ ?  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。. q! {! O9 A5 i% G1 T8 N0 q

( L. o4 P7 F* ~& g  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'
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  t need it.
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: v) G4 D" f0 f4 K  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方
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- I5 C4 z. m; v  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.: P8 J" V; a5 i/ a! ]; ~
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  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。
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8 ^2 n" t7 `' F: ~7 G  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。' E$ K4 ^& `2 n6 D) q  {% C
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  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
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  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!' `3 [* k* i3 g
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  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫; V  t9 T. n5 l, O4 }

7 L. K! e# D3 k; l# l* \  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.( ]! U' V" `$ M3 E2 W
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  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?
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! r4 s+ Z6 R& u; x, u  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
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  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。
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; T  l- r$ I. S  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.  L* p* B1 V2 w" L6 \7 P2 D5 U) i
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  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装
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7 g9 G$ n$ m+ x! N6 F. }' ^! N! F  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.( Q& C, O. x8 G  U: v
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  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"
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  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with" @6 ]2 M4 c" t

  w. E! @- T! N6 e  }8 e  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.- _% ?7 v+ [. B8 ]

: r% X) m* ~  a9 V  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
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  T8 T2 k% I! d0 u  j  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
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  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
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8 L0 Y  k" T+ J2 U  |) q! P1 E+ `  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi' v8 S, i: `- N9 I" p; t6 p  Y9 C

. T: b3 M3 _3 q! f( C) _  v  rls live.4 X4 l  `" Q- y; y: c  e3 Q3 V+ d

$ J) A8 J' `0 j* O  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!
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: c/ ?& X9 g- @/ x+ G) I9 e  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear0 ~/ W, y# I! |5 G9 \) Z

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2 V# X( ?3 `/ f( l! J  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。
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  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。
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  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
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9 v! H9 C7 Y1 F& v) O& D  W& j  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.+ E# k0 _$ Z- w8 ]/ k% `/ a0 T

) f0 }( f& R, O) R  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a6 Q6 j, o9 k, e1 l( X) j$ M% S
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  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.1 _1 L0 g% m7 x. a
) h( ^3 v5 b- m( t: o
  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
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  叫声是一样滴。, n- q8 h& T9 o- ?# q3 F
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  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.1 A. g5 Z9 R& w

3 g1 j5 W$ d* U  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。  G' i& _& D2 u

# ?" H8 c  c; x# e) V. T5 t  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。+ a1 Y8 G; L$ p! j

. Y0 L0 h7 X3 Z: }+ H! F" ?  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
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  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!, x& x1 T" \; F0 W8 Q% n

) k3 b2 D+ ?* [# }3 c4 S; q7 {  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
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: p6 t. Q/ l- o6 U  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?/ L! W- C; ]4 g$ d3 Q( }9 H0 c
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  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什
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  么忙?!
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7 z! h# m5 m5 m; A8 c  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
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  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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